I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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