Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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