I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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