Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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