I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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