Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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