pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
