all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How's work?
Spinning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
