I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
