i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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