Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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