So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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