dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk is not a location!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize