Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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