just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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