well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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