Porn is love you can see.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
