If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
