did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
