all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize