sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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