you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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