sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize