He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
