It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
