I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
