pop tarts are not kleenex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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