if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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