also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why do cheetos always look like penises
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
