guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
