I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
