Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
