I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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