My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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