I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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