my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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