Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
