and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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