Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
