When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
