I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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