we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
