U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
