if you like me you must not know who I am
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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