At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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