SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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