Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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