if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
