hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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