I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
