I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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