could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
