Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
