Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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