eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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