...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
