I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
