I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
