Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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