The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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