If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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