every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
