ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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