I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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