The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
