We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
